Sex in the Country - The Way it Is
- Born & Raised in the Country: Lack of Dating Options
- Living in the City: Lack of Time
Without overstating the obvious, sex is a natural act. However, one of the great paradoxes of the modern world is that many who live in rural areas, often in the most beautiful outdoor environments, surrounded by nature, tend to be sexually conservative.
Rural areas all over the world are often more religious, and socially conservative. Dating, if it happens at all, tends to have the goal of monogamy and marriage, which leave little room for exploring different kinds of friendships and relationships.
Sex-positive people who grow up in rural environments are limited to a very modest group of potential partners. Having multiple relationships throughout a given amount of time can be detrimental to a person's reputation, being seen as a slut or 'man-whore' in the community.
"Many authors have written about the effects of small town gossiping and rumor mongering depicting the fictional study of the effects of social and personal attitudes devolving out of a tightly knit small town social structure, the sort of attitudes of which gossip and rumors are symptomatic." ("A Literary History of Iowa" by Clarence A. Andrews)
As one American female noted, "born into a small Midwestern town where everyone knows your business, daily socializing tends to go down a negative spiral. Gossip is in everyone's casual conversations; if it is at work, out for lunch, or texting that friend a few feet away from you. Everyone wants to know everyone else's business, often because their own lives aren't exciting enough to keep them entertained. So dating in a small town is quite hard!"
Often, the gossip of other peoples relationships, becomes distorted in a negative way anyway, which then turns into the person developing a "bad rep". Having that fear of judgment by your cohort makes it very difficult to explore your sexual needs and your on-going progression in developing a relationship with a potential partner. Not having that motivation to, or interest in leaving your rural background, or moving to a new part of the country or world, causes an unfavorable decrease in perspective dating possibilities.
Sex in the City - The Way it Is: Time-Starved, Loneliness in an Ocean of People
Sometimes the city can offer the same sort of difficulties in dating. When one's life becomes stagnant with the same routine every day, it can be hard to let yourself break away from the time requirements of city living. Lack of time in the city leaves you with the same difficulties as in a rural area, where lack of options creates a challenge for a sex-positive person.
Living in a city can be a daunting experience. Though many people live in the urban jungle, it can still bring immense feelings of loneliness. As Mark Twain put it "A splendid dessert - a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race".
"According to estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 21 metropolitan areas where more than one in every three homes are occupied by individuals who live alone." Getting caught up in your 9-5 jobs, stopping at the same coffee shop before work, and seeing the same people every day brings difficulties exploring sexual connections. It is too easy to lose yourself in your daily routines.
Even though you have all these faces around you and you're having interactions with new people every day, the thought of putting yourself out there, asking for numbers and going on dates can be the scariest thing in a socially frustrated human beings life. Getting out of your comfort zone and becoming vulnerable to another person, may not be an option for some people.
The Way it Could Be: Sensual Enterprise Solutions
- Getting out of your comfort zone and becoming vulnerable to another person.
- World Dating Coach! Helping people meet online on an international Dating Vacation
Definition: World Dating Coach - Someone who helps others to make dating in a new place a reality. Making a romantic fantasy come true. Giving advice on traveling to and finding love in a new city. Getting out there and meeting people. A dating holiday is jumping out of a person's comfort zone in a different part of the world, learning about cultural differences, and finally, fulfilling the fantasy of dating someone from their favorite country or culture!
If a person has always had a fantasy about dating a Greek man or an Indian woman, this would be the perfect opportunity to explore those fantasies. And having a world dating coach gives you those possibilities.
Initially, a potential explorer would need a time frame of at least a month and up to a year to fulfill the requirements of a true international dating experience. The explorer needs the time to get themselves comfortable with their new environment, settle into a new place and let the effects of culture shock wear off a bit before getting into the international dating scene of your newly adopted country!
Once settled in their new environment, a person can look into Meet-Up groups that reflect certain interests. Joining a meet-up group that correlates with a personal hobby, will introduce them to people that have similar interests sparking conversations and ultimately lead to developing connections.
For example, a woman who is eco-friendly and has an interest in Swedish men may want to join an Environmental Meet Up in Stockholm and start planning her trip from there!
Using AirBnB can also help explorers meet people that actually live in the community, introductions to their cohort, suggest things to do, places to eat, and different scenes to get involved in. Knowing someone from the community can affect an experience greatly and give them the opportunity to open up to a completely new culture in their own way.
Sex in the Country - The Way it Could Be
Staying at Intentional Communities around the World (or creating a community of your own!)
Small communities such as those featured on the Fellowship for Intentional Community, are popping up all over the world. Creating or living in intentional communities where people can get away from their 'normal' routines for a short time, is becoming more of a popular concept to Western culture. Meeting a new group of people, from all walks of life is intriguing. Building relationships and finding new connections is much easier in a community setting.
These communities sometimes have a particular secondary focus such as meditation, performing arts, or creating event spaces for others. This helps bring similar minded people together rather than in a random group.
WOOF-ing, Help-X, volunteer programs, and even AirBNB are different ways to explore these new communities. Giving back to the community, working together with your volunteers will bring a deeper connection to the community feel by itself.
Volunteering at these communities can provide a different setting for starting relationships, allowing people to "flow" and explore the myriad of relationship possibilities.
Such communities often bring together people who are open-minded in their sexual approach, with or without incorporating a spiritual aspect (swingers vs. tantrikas). The easiest communities to join center around those who also have a passion for the environment. Group classes can be held to help community members explore their sexuality and promote each individuals growth as well as sparking great conversations and ideas.
For example, Hedonisia Hawaii is an intentional community based on eco-tourism and feminist/activist enterprise. With community-based tourism, travelers live, work and often hang out together. This naturally promotes more romances to form than when one is lost living in the anonymity of a big city! So we are sensual and romantic without being overly so!
A key point in the organization of communities is to create guidelines regarding communication and self well-being. This is very important as it can make or break a community, and leave members feeling pessimistic. There are many sources for information on this, do some research to get an overall idea, and invest in educating community members. For example, at Hedonisia we have established a policy on Sexual Harassment and Dating Guidelines.
One advantage of living in the country is that it is easier to own farmland and to create an "Intentional Community". Zoning and other government regulations that make intentional communities illegal in a city are more relaxed in the county. Land and house prices are lower so it is possible and more practical to purchase enough space to form an intentional community to support whatever cause you want to work on.
Cities Where the Most People Live Alone, Samuel Stebbins October 23, 2018. 24/7 Wall St.
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The way it is now - Sex tourism. Men traveling and sleeping with prostitutes.
Talk about Love Hotels here.
The city allows anonymity and the freedom to experiment. The internet allows great ways for connecting.
Dating Vacations = Copenhagen 2010!
- • Communities of Travelers
- • Sexcations for couples: A New Twist on the Traditional Romantic Getaway
– How it has been: Horizontal Travel - Traditional Tourism versus Traveling
– How it could be: Sexcations