Divorce, Feminism & Men’s Rights

My lawyer said that as long as I speak the truth I am allowed to write about our relationship. And this is what I'm doing.

This story is from a male perspective. Yet it was written with the assistance of a number of female volunteers who helped dissect the reasons for our divorce (money, sex, children, in-laws etc) that just so happen to be similar to those faced by so many others.

Coming from a traditional Indian background and traveling in the world I witnessed many injustices done to women by men in the name of culture, religion or simple brute male machismo. All across this planet men are guilty of many more crimes against women than the other way around. This is the sad truth in every single country in the world. As a result, since my days at University, I have been active with Women's Rights causes.

However, feminism has made an impact. Today, in much of the world, if a man commits a crime of abuse against a woman he can be punished by the law. In correcting the historic imbalance between men and women, courts around the world have given women many legal rights for their protection, security, and safety.

But what happens when a woman abuses those laws designed to protect her rights?

  1. When a wife falsely accuses her husband of abuse in her divorce filings.
  2. When a single mother uses her legal rights to deny a parental role to the non-biological father despite the child's wish for the connection to be there.
  3. When after a relatively short marriage, a wife uses divorce law to try to extract a far greater share of her husband's wealth than what she put into the marriage.

All the above happened to me in my divorce with my ex-wife Ms. Leah Kristine Houk aka "Leah Vines".

Non-Biological Father's Rights:

This book is especially important for Single Mothers and men who date single mothers for it deals with the issue of non-biological fatherhood and what happens to the relationship after a divorce.

Though I do not share her DNA, I was Althea's father since her birth. Till the last time I saw her, she also looked at me as her daddy. When the relationship with Leah broke I

suddenly found out that I did not even have the right to see my daughter.

I did not end up losing everything but I did lose my fatherhood of a wonderful girl who I held in my arms when she was born and who I was then a father to for three years.

Now of course as a non-biological father I have no rights whatsover to see her. I last saw three years ago when she was 5. Now she is 8. Slowly the memory of me is fading for her.

As a way of dealing with the pain I began to do research. I discovered that many men who have dated single mothers have also been cut off from the kids when the relationship ended. The mother simply moves away as is her right. And it is also her right to overule her child's wishes if the child still wants to maintain a relationship with the person they consider their father.

Not all men are chauvinistic pigs. Some men have actually evolved and play a loving role in caring for and bringing up a child that is not their own. I pose this simple question, "Should a loving non-biological father have absolutely no rights of fatherhood even if the child wishes for the connection to be there?"

After such an experience this affects how the man dates in the future. Many men have said to me how they have become wary of dating single mothers and/or getting attached to their kids. And yet one of the biggest laments of single mothers that I've spoken to is that they wish they could be involved with a great guy who would be a father-figure to their child.

Normally I would never write publicly about a romantic relationship of mine. My ex-wife's actions were so dramatic that they motivated me to create this book. Being open and honest about our marriage and writing about it has been a great exercise in letting go and moving on. No more thoughts and feelings jumbling around in my head and heart. By putting a spotlight on this darkness, through transparency and honesty, it is possible for healing to happen. That is my sincere hope.

But my ex-wife's actions also got me thinking about romantic relationships in general. (I trained as a Sociologist so that is part of my nature!) The drama of our breakup raises a number of issues faced by many couples in "modern" marriages in America and elsewhere in the world.

There are wonderful men and women who fall in love. Both gay and straight. It goes well for a while and then relationship disaster! In this new modern world both genders are stumbling. In the old days it was easy for there were few choices. You simply had to stay married no matter what happened.

But today? How do we make love stay in an age of choice, equality and personal freedom?

I created this website to be an honest record of our marriage and divorce. I hope this site will be cathartic; both for myself and Leah and for all couples who are going through the difficulties of being in a marriage and then going through a divorce in this modern world.

We have women's rights in many areas of life. But what about men's rights in divorce and fatherhood? In the end, this ebook is an argument for Sexual Equalism: Women will never be truly equal unless men's rights are respected and vice versa.

At the end of each section  there are suggested guidelines and tips for couples who are about to marry. By following even one of these tips you will save yourself untold hours of expense and emotional trauma which is well worth the price of membership into the Sexual Equalism website.

By being transparent with the folly of our story I hope to spare others the same travails.

Women and men are equal but they are different. The fact is that men still have most of the money and power on this planet. And yet 50% of the population of this planet are women.

It is simply logical and fair that they should have 50% of the power. Through their control of money and power, men have had the ability to abuse women in so many different ways. However, in today's world, in our effort to improve things, the pendulum sometimes swings too far. There are areas where men can be abused by women. Mostly through laws that were meant to address historic inequalities between the sexes.

But a man can be legally punished for his crimes of abuse. A man who beats his wife goes to jail; a wife who falsely accuses her husband of physical abuse is simply negotiating better terms for a divorce settlement. So my argument is for true equality between men and women.

Equality means that men get equal rights too. For men this would be especially in the area of family law. Neither gender should be in a position to abuse the other. There should always be checks and balances. Chauvinism always promoted the rights of men over women. Feminism often promoted women's rights at the expense of men. Equalism respects each gender's differences and yet strives for total equality for BOTH. The YIN needs the YANG to function and vice versa!